Who needs Kennywood when you've got Pittsburgh Regional Transit's very own thrill ride? Move over, roller coasters – we've got a 15,000-year-old wooden box that's guaranteed to make your heart skip a beat. Just be sure to smile on your way in, and maybe say a little prayer to the patron saint of outdated transportation.
The heart-pounding, adrenaline-pumping adventure that is the Monongahela Incline – Pittsburgh's very own rickety roller coaster on rails! Buckle up, because we're about to take a journey through the scariest ride in the Steel City. The Monongahela Incline - Pittsburgh's Thrilling Nightmare.
Picture this: you're standing at the base of Mount Washington, gazing up at the seemingly innocent wooden box suspended by cables. "What could possibly go wrong?" you foolishly mutter to yourself as you step inside. Oh, my sweet summer child, allow me to enlighten you. In January, it closed because it wasn't stopping at the correct spot of the landing pad and it wasn't always slowing down.
First and foremost, this contraption is older than your great-great-grandmother's collection of doilies. We're talking about a wooden box that has supposedly been chugging along since the dawn of civilization, surviving the Ice Age, the invention of the wheel, and multiple world wars. Seriously, if this thing could talk, it would have stories to make your hair stand on end. Or maybe it's just too terrified to speak.
Now, let's talk about safety. Or rather, the lack thereof. The Monongahela Incline has been closed more times than a faulty lemonade stand at a food safety convention. Oh, it reopened, you say? Well, it closed again this week with some weird excuses that ultimately were "just a few wires" needed figured out. I mean, what's a little mechanical failure between friends, right?
As you ascend to the heavens – or more accurately, to the top of Mount Washington – you can feel the entire structure groaning and creaking beneath you. Is that the sound of aging wood? Or the wails of lost souls who dared to ride before you? Who's to say?
The Monongahela Incline is out of service due to an apparent door issue on the west car. Our team is working on it. In the meantime, a shuttle bus is en route to the area to act as a shuttle between the upper and lower stations. We'll provide more information as soon as we…
— Pittsburgh Regional Transit (@PGHtransit) February 13, 2024
But fear not, dear readers, for the real thrill comes when you reach the summit. As you step out onto the viewing platform, you're greeted by a breathtaking view of Pittsburgh's skyline... and the sinking realization that you have to ride this thing back down. It's like a twisted game of Russian roulette, except instead of bullets, you're dodging splinters and prayers for divine intervention. Commuters are the daily heroes that enter with their bikes, their lives, and their plans for a future to commute to work. Not all heroes wear capes.
In all seriousness (if such a thing can be mustered in this situation), it's high time we address the elephant – or should we say, the wooden box – in the room. Should the Monongahela Incline be preserved for posterity, or should it be relegated to the annals of history alongside rotary phones and Blockbuster video? Perhaps we should encase it in glass, like a macabre museum exhibit, complete with a plaque that reads: "Here lies the Monongahela Incline – may it rest in pieces."
So, the next time you find yourself in the Steel City and you're looking for a truly bone-chilling experience, look no further than the Monongahela Incline. We know that Pittsburgh roads are ready to eat your car so not every option in Pittsburgh transportation is great. Just don't say we didn't warn you when you find yourself questioning every life choice you've ever made while clinging to a creaky wooden box suspended precariously over Mt Worshington. Happy riding!