My grandmother was the first in my lineage to be born in this country after her parents emigrated from Poland to escape Lenin, the Bolsheviks he commanded, and the wars that were a fixture of the early 20th Century.
This means two important things, the first being that I could reclaim my Polish citizenship and get a pretty cool passport, and second was that Grandma had lots of proverbial wisdom to dispense.
Examples of which include: “That’s not your circus!” and “your ass is itchy!”, the latter meaning a person with an itchy ass is full of shit.
Thankfully I escaped ever being accused of having an itchy ass, but got told in a number of ways to avoid circuses that I don’t own. While I was adept at avoiding circuses, I was always one for a good sideshow, and here we are:
Recently, a lot of media buzz has surrounded a Tweet, or an X, by Albert Breer of Sports Illustrated which relays, seemingly in hearsay fashion, a story of comments made by Steelers coach Mike Tomlin when being asked if he had spoken to wanted fugitive and former Detroit Lions cornerback, Cam Sutton. Sutton is innocent until proven guilty, and probably half the state of Florida has a warrant for their arrest, so let’s not get caught thinking this is at all unique.
On first blush, you know, people are saying, here I go gaslighting the purpose of this diatribe, that communicating with a fugitive from justice is a crime. Well, that’s not true, as long as you aren’t doing so in a manner to aid, assist, or hide said fugitive.
Regardless of your opinion of Mike Tomlin, and I’ve never met him, I gather that he is not in the business of helping fugitives.
The Breer tweet, or the X, states that Tomlin declined to discuss the substance of the conversation, but I’ve got a fairly good guess of what might have been discussed.
Speaking of the X, did you know Alan Cox left Pittsburgh for Cleveland?
Before we can begin to speculate on the content of Tomlin’s purported discussion with Sutton, you need to know a little local legal scene background about the Steelers:
For starters, Art Rooney II is a part of Buchanon Ingersoll Rooney, a huge national law firm with hundreds of lawyers, damn good lawyers, and a fellow Duquesne Law alumnus. I had the opportunity to meet him years ago at an event with Bob Costas, which I am just throwing that fact in here to be self-aggrandizing, as both wouldn’t know me from anyone.
The point being, the Steelers are very well connected legally, and one attorney who handled a lot of player criminal cases here in the Burgh is probably the best criminal defense attorney in the city. That person is not me.
However, it doesn’t matter whether you have the superior legal counsel of Rooney’s firm and the aforementioned defense attorney, or my sorry ass, the conversation that was had between Tomlin and Sutton was probably about Sutton turning himself in, addressing the criminal case, and getting back to football.
From the 100 level cheap seats, I can tell you that we need a lot of help in pass defense, and whether Sutton joins the Steelers is probably secondary to Tomlin’s concern for his former player.
While I detest engaging in speculation, I’m going to engage in speculation, because what I detest more is the baseless barstool insinuations that the Tomlin and Sutton communication was illegal, unethical, or inappropriate.
Ok, so you don’t think Tomlin is a good coach, but he isn’t dumb, and has the best legal team in town, so quit saying it was an illegal conversation!
Why?
Earlier in this piece, I told you about Grandma saying “that’s not your circus!” which I have used before but fits this situation as well: stay out of the negative speculation game. You were not on the call, at the circus, and you aren’t close personal friends with either of them, and there is not a chance in hell that Tomlin was trying to help Sutton evade the arrest warrant.
I’d take Tomlin on a prop bet that he tried to get Sutton to turn himself in on the charges every day of the week and would be utterly shocked if it was anything different.
Why not take it for what it probably is, a player’s former coach trying to counsel his former player into doing the right thing, ya nebshits!
Tomlin’s purported statement that the conversation is “none of your business” is a smart answer in a lot of ways.
If you aren’t inherently a negative person, you don’t need to know what the conversation was about, so there was no need for him to answer. This is just one of those things that you get or you don’t, and a wonderful litmus test as to your ability to consider whether there are people capable of doing the right thing in the midst of a society hell bent on watching the world burn.
Infer whatever innuendo you wish from litmus paper turning red or blue, but that’s none of your business either.
Speaking of other none-of-your business things, I’m going out tonight, blasting Renegade as I pull into Country Club with a hot date wearing haute coture, a not-so-subtle flex, because life is too short to identify as red or blue…and especially as negative.
This, fellow Yinzers, is why we can’t have nice things.
DISCLAIMER: This article is general educational and mid at best entertainment, and does not constitute an attorney-client relationship. Every situation is different, and you should consult legal counsel of your choosing to discuss your situation. Also, quit saying people have bad motives. You don’t know, so don’t speculate.
Can’t we all just get along?
Be supportive, not destructive, and don’t touch my Lego Concorde. I don’t speak for Mike Tomlin, Cam Sutton, the Steelers, Buchanon Ingersol Rooney, the legend criminal defense attorney, Dan Rooney or the stunning crystal blue eyes of Bob Costas, and dammit to hell, neither should you. My dad, rest his soul, once said “dammit to hell” in anger, and I as a foolish young adult asked him where the F else do things get damned to then hell. That did not go well for me.
DISCLAMER OF SHADE: The attorney that lives in a shack under the Birmingham Bridge will disagree with all of this, because he is a conspiracy theorist and thinks, absent any knowledge of maritime navigation or ship handling, that the Francis Scott Key Bridge disaster was an inside job or terrorism. Also, the people that run OneBurgh told me I need to put more trending news topics in my little fairy tales to increase visibility in the feed. Sure, once you start paying me.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Attorney Biedrzycki (baa-jet-skee) is a graduate of Villanova University and the Duquesne University School of Law, and a proud graduate of kindergarten at Sheraden Elementary. He has handled personal injury, criminal defense, consumer protection, business/real estate matters in Pittsburgh and beyond for over 20 years, with a little bit of humor and a whole lot of style, and wants to be an adult someday. In addition to lawyering, he is a FAA licensed pilot, which is the first thing he tells everyone, loves to travel, enjoys bougie cars, French wines, plays in the dirt better than anyone, and is otherwise described by the haters as hollow, shallow and brutally handsome. His office is in Upper St. Clair, has free parking, and a big ice maker that produces that good chewy ice. For more info, check out @steelcitylawyer on Twitter for links to all the socials.